It's been several days since I've gotten to talk to my girls. It kills me but I'm not going to let my ex win. Again, this is just his way of trying to manipulate me to do what he wants. And I have to stop letting him win. In a few months I will be back. And I will have my babies. No doubt about it. And for all those who said I don't deserve them. Well they can kiss my ... Yeah.
I've been alone all morning. Got some cleaning done, laundry, had some tea. I try to make life as normal as possible. When you spend 10 years taking care of little girls and go to taking care of basically no one, life is difficult. I never have enough to do. Even extra long showers, facials, and trimming my nails doesn't take up enough time in the day.
I end up sitting here looking at pictures of my babies and listening to sad songs. Wishing I was with them now, wishing they were here with me, that we were together. Wishing it was me getting them up and ready for school, wishing it were me they come home to each afternoon. Wishing I could make them supper and tuck them into bed each night.
To be honest, yeah, I'm scared. I'm scared something is going to happen to them, I'm scared they're going to forget me, I'm scared they're going to start believing the lies everyone is telling them-and start believing I don't love them. Truth is, I'm scared I might not ever get to talk to them again. Life is short, and we never know when God is going to call us to him. What if something happens to me here in Egypt, or to them there? I don't know if those were my last words to them, and unfortunately they weren't what I would have said if they were my last words.
I would have told them how incredibly proud of them I am. How much I believe in them, how they can do anything they put their mind to and I will support them each and every step of the way.
I would tell them how happy they have made my life. How I learned about love from them. They taught me about fears I didn't know I had, showed me how strong I could truly be. I'd tell them how I think about them each and every day and pray for them all the time. I'd tell them that no matter what they do, what mistakes they make, how much I will always love them. And how I will never stop fighting for them.
They say a parent shapes their children's lives, but I think it is our children who make us who we are. And every day I pray that some day my babies and I can be a family again, some day before they are grown. I will never stop fighting. I will never give up. I am their mommy and we are meant to be together.
I've been alone all morning. Got some cleaning done, laundry, had some tea. I try to make life as normal as possible. When you spend 10 years taking care of little girls and go to taking care of basically no one, life is difficult. I never have enough to do. Even extra long showers, facials, and trimming my nails doesn't take up enough time in the day.
I end up sitting here looking at pictures of my babies and listening to sad songs. Wishing I was with them now, wishing they were here with me, that we were together. Wishing it was me getting them up and ready for school, wishing it were me they come home to each afternoon. Wishing I could make them supper and tuck them into bed each night.
To be honest, yeah, I'm scared. I'm scared something is going to happen to them, I'm scared they're going to forget me, I'm scared they're going to start believing the lies everyone is telling them-and start believing I don't love them. Truth is, I'm scared I might not ever get to talk to them again. Life is short, and we never know when God is going to call us to him. What if something happens to me here in Egypt, or to them there? I don't know if those were my last words to them, and unfortunately they weren't what I would have said if they were my last words.
I would have told them how incredibly proud of them I am. How much I believe in them, how they can do anything they put their mind to and I will support them each and every step of the way.
I would tell them how happy they have made my life. How I learned about love from them. They taught me about fears I didn't know I had, showed me how strong I could truly be. I'd tell them how I think about them each and every day and pray for them all the time. I'd tell them that no matter what they do, what mistakes they make, how much I will always love them. And how I will never stop fighting for them.
They say a parent shapes their children's lives, but I think it is our children who make us who we are. And every day I pray that some day my babies and I can be a family again, some day before they are grown. I will never stop fighting. I will never give up. I am their mommy and we are meant to be together.
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